Coping With Anger & Angry People

I’m not above feeling rage, I don’t think anyone is. If we went through life without feeling true anger at least a handful of times then we haven’t exposed ourselves to enough people.

It is impossible to be liked by everyone.

You might be the golden child, a poster child for all that is good. You might be popular and have lots of friends but someone, somewhere will butt heads with you simply because your personalities are wildly different.

Its how we choose to perceive and deal with this anger which shapes and defines us.

There are some people out there who choose to be angry at the world. They were hurt too many times and now they’re closed off to the world, unable to see it as it is. They choose to act out like bratty children who don’t like the toys they’ve been given. These are the argumentative people who choose to face life head on in a kind of shout first, ask questions later, approach. If you’re one of these people then please ask yourself: what are you hoping to achieve by being this way? Arguments are there in life to air grievances which couldn’t be discussed in a civil matter. Arguments stem from an issue or issues which have been bubbling under the surface for a long time which haven’t been resolved in the way we want them to. When we argue its ultimately to try and make ourselves feel better. It’s selfish but sometimes it’s necessary if we cannot approach a conversation calmly.

However, when life begins turning into a constant argument and the anger is continually bubbling inside, then that’s when we need to start addressing the issues which are really bothering us. These attitudes we chose to adopt will shape us, and will lead us into an early grave because our hearts are full of anxiety and anger.

I have found that arguments rarely solve anything. It’s just a lot of loud noises from two people not listening to each other.

I have found that a much easier approach to life is to sit and really listen to yourself. Listen to what your body is telling you. Start writing down your thoughts and feelings, even in a journal you’ll never show anyone. Really assess what is making you feel angry and upset.

For me, if I feel angry it comes in waves. It becomes this overwhelming sense which overtakes my body and a younger me would have lashed out. But as I’ve got older I’ve realised that the phrase “pick your battles” is incredibly potent.

Before you argue and get angry and lash out at those around you because life has got your knickers in a twist, think to yourself “is this argument really worthwhile? Will it achieve anything?”

If the answer is no then take a deep breath and release it. Goodness knows controlling your anger takes patience and time but once you learn to release that anger and start actually facing your inner demons, you’ll begin to let go of that rage which has been bubbling under the surface.

The same goes for when people want to argue with you. Some people will just want to push your buttons on purpose to get a rise from you (most likely the people you butt heads with) and even the best of us can lose it just because they push us to a breaking point because they want you to feel as frustrated as them. It’s during these times that it’s important to remember that they are feeling this rage a lot of the time and there are issues they want to air but maybe they need coaxing to find the actual reason they’re angry.

Sometimes it can seem like that person is unreasonable and nothing will calm them down, that everything you say is just adding fuel to the fire. When you feel like you’re close to breaking point, take a deep breath and tell them that when they are ready to have an adult discussion about what is wrong without attacking you, you’ll be ready to listen and then remove yourself from the conversation.

Remember, the more you rise to them, the more you give them a chance to release that inner anger. They need to learn to deal with that anger on their own, it’s not always your responsibility to resolve the issues of others.

You are only responsible for your own emotions.

So whether you are dealing with anger in your life or whether you have someone in your life who is particularly argumentative and you’re getting nowhere with them, it’s important to take a step back and reflect. What is the real reason behind the anger?

Looking past the top layer of frustration of events, in order to deal with anger we have to look deep within ourselves.

For instance, in one of my relationships, my partner really frustrated me all the time and I didn’t know why until I started looking at what triggered me and then what triggered that and so on and so forth. I learned that small things like not doing the washing up or helping around our house was winding me up which in turn made me look at why that upset me so much. It turned out that I felt undermined, I wasn’t his equal but someone he was treating like his mother or hired help. I wasn’t feeling affection in the traditional couple sense, which led to me realising that I’d fallen out of love with him. That meant once I’d realised this, I could talk to him about what was wrong and it wasn’t just an explosion of “why haven’t you done the washing up!” or “You need to show me more affection!” because ultimately what I had discovered about myself made the anger disappear and in its place was sadness but this was the first step in the right direction.

I think a lot of people get stuck in the anger phase because they are too afraid to deal with their problems head on. They worry that if they start self assessing then it’ll bring sadness, as if sadness is the end of the world.

Sadness is what makes us human. It is that emotion of losing something we once had, losing love, losing trust, losing our happiness. It is one of the most difficult emotions to pull yourself out of but it’s not impossible.

I had a discussion with my parents about the bullies I’d faced during my work time as a young adult and how I was pushed backwards against a desk as my 6″ boss in heels jabbed my shoulders in rage because she was angry at another member of staff. How I had a boss at another company who made a habit of shouting in your face, when something went wrong because he had two exes who were messing with his life and his head. I have equally seen these two bosses cry. I have been there to see them work through their anger and after two years of working for the second boss, I could start to see a change in him for the better.

Sadness isn’t an emotion we should be afraid of. We can face the abyss and still turn our lives around. Sadness is a necessary state of mind to cope with the stresses of life and once we accept these emotions we can start to grow and as we grow we emerge from sadness, stronger and happier than before, confident in the knowledge that we can face our demons.

Until next time.

Going With The Flow- Keeping An Open Mind

I am very much in the “go with the flow and see what happens” mentality at the moment and it’s actually quite freeing. Instead of letting myself get hung up over what ifs and buts, I’m saying to myself whatever happens, happens.

Its proving to be quite effective. I don’t feel obsessed over the small things, especially the aspects of my life I can’t control.

Please don’t mistake going with the flow for someone who doesn’t care or is carefree, I simply mean, I am trying my hardest to live my life with an open mind. I’m keeping my future path loose and fluid, with the idea that if one option doesn’t pan out the way I would like it to, then I’m not seeing it as a set back, merely one door that has closed.

We don’t know what the future holds but anxiety leads us to believe we do. We worry and stress over every little aspect of our lives. Whether it’s something seemingly as simple as someone not texting us back, we think the worst. I’ve seen it in myself in the past and friends in the present and I’m sure they’ll be plenty of people in the future going through the same situations. What we have to learn is that we can’t control everything.

Once we learn that, it suddenly becomes a freeing mentality which opens you up to so many opportunities.

When Derren Brown the illusionist placed money on the ground in front of a group of people he’d questioned before, the focus group who said and believed that they weren’t lucky didn’t see the money on the floor, whereas the people who said they felt lucky sometimes or more often than not, saw the money. It was an interesting psychological experiment which shows us that belief and your mental state can impact your life quite dramatically and in order to combat negative emotions, we should be actively opening ourselves up for opportunity.

Obviously with opportunity comes vulnerability but being vulnerable can also help us to develop as human beings. Being rejected from a job or a relationship hurts, don’t get me wrong, but with each experience we grow and we learn what we like about ourselves and what we don’t through other people’s criticism. This is why rejection hurts so much. We have a twisted sense of self, we believe that we are the protagonists of our own story, that other people are there to forward our adventure and in some aspects we’re right. We should be positive, be looking at constantly moving forward but we also shouldn’t have such a closed view on life.

Sometimes we’re the sidekick in someone else’s adventure. If we all went around thinking we were the hero of the story then there would be no story to be told.

Even sometimes, on our worst days, we’re the villains of someone’s story. It’s in these days we have a lot to learn about empathy and how to treat those around us.

Life, as I see it, is about experience. We have adventures, we love, we explore and reach new and exciting highs. We experience heartbreak and sorrow and incredible lows, even to the point where some of us don’t want to be on this earth anymore. But life is worth living for both the highs and the lows. It’s worth exploring the opportunities that are presented to us and keeping our path fluid with an open mind.

I thought that I would be stuck unemployed for months while on lockdown but during this time I’ve not only found myself a few odd jobs for people but was also head hunted by my old bosses friend. It was an unexpected surprise and has led me to the current freelance job I have today.

Maybe I believe in karma. Maybe I believe that I’ve had a lot of bad juju in the past few years and I’m finally receiving some well deserved positive vibes. Maybe I don’t believe in it. Maybe I think we are in control of our lives through the ways in which we choose to live mentally.

What do you think? Do you believe in karma?

Until next time.

Are You A People Pleaser?

It’s incredibly unhealthy as adults to require the approval of others in order to feel fulfilled in our own lives. Regardless of this fact, there are an incredible amount of people who feel the need to please, even when this behaviour can cause more harm than good.

But why? Surely if we’re pleasing people then our lives will be easier, more manageable? When we want to please our friends, family or coworkers doesn’t making them happy just make sense?

Well, in short, no. Spending time making others happy is prioritising their emotions over our own for starters which in turn causes us to doubt our self worth. Suddenly other people’s thoughts and opinions are more valid than ours because we have conditioned ourselves to think this way.

With the fluctuating moods of people, we also can’t control someone else’s happiness. Some days they are just destined for a low mood. It is not up to us to make them feel better. Sure be a good friend and be on hand but don’t make their happiness your number 1 priority above your own.

Have you noticed this sort of behaviour in yourself? Have you noticed that when your friend is sad that you almost absorb their sadness with them? Do you feel as if it’s your duty to try and control the situation? Do you feel like sometimes you’ll agree to something even when you don’t want to? As if by saying no you’ll rock the boat?

If you answered yes to any of the above then, like me, you have reached the first level of self improvement: awareness.

When we’re aware of what makes us tick and how we act in situations, we can adapt and improve with time and become better, more well rounded and happier individuals.

I’ve learnt to look at my own behaviours in life and try to better myself for my own happiness. I have looked at who I am, flaws and all, and accept myself for who I am and you should do the same. Without criticism, look inside yourself and all your behaviours, both good and bad and accept yourself for who you are. It’s important to note that at this stage acceptance is not complacency, and it is simply a stage we must meet before we can move forward and begin our adjustments.

Much like when we’re told to put the oxygen masks on ourselves before helping someone else in an airplane, we need to look after ourselves before we can offer assistance to others. It’s that age old saying of trying to fill up someone’s cup with an empty jug.

In order to build upon what we’ve already developed, we need to learn to speak up when we feel wronged without the fear of judgement, say no once in a while and tolerate when someone criticises us without taking it to heart. Not everyone can like you, it would be unfair to put that much pressure on yourself to think that way.

Once we learn how to deal with the fact that we are not mind readers and cannot possibly get everyone to like us, we can move onto building a more positive community around us. Of people who aren’t afraid to criticise us and help us to grow. These relationships we choose to have around us give us strength to be vulnerable around people and speak our mind more freely. I have a few select friends who give me love and support when I need it but also take no shit. If they don’t agree with me then they’re going to say so. It’s not because they’re trying to be mean but they want the best for me without seeking my approval.

In the same way we develop physical relationships, our online relationships should also reflect these ideologies. We often spend too long on social media chasing that dopamine high from likes on our photos or comments which is another form of validation we think we don’t need but can’t help but want.

In this case, I’m trialing a separation between myself and Facebook. We’ve been together since 2007 and I have grown up with it close to my heart ever since. I was part of a generation that could reach out to friends after school or college through social media but some of those so called friends were influencers on my behaviour today. I was the less listened to person in the group, the one with the loud laugh because I knew it caught their attention, I was not validated by these people and it made me feel rubbish. Now I have taken this trait forward and I don’t much like it. I no longer have the loud laugh and I’m getting better but I can tell the background noise is still there, still impacting me to this day.

As I’ve hit more and more milestones, I’ve witnessed these so called friends hit more and they seem happy, as if life has handed them lemons and they’ve built a lemonade empire. But this is the impact of social media. No one posts about their bad days, only their good ones. There are no unedited photos on their featured sections, no unemployed statuses or mental health posts. We see what they want us to see and what we see we compare ourselves to. It’s simply not real and validation from these types of platforms are superficial and cause fake highs.

I think we need to adjust our perspective.

We need to learn to not be so selfish in thinking that everyone will love us. We need to accept that everyone we meet is different and like a joke, we’re going to meet people who find it funny and those who don’t. We need to learn that criticism mostly comes from a place of love, our friends and family want to see us succeed and help us to grow.

We need to learn to love ourselves, take care of ourselves and let our self esteem expand.

Ultimately, if we can let go of our anxieties and go with the flow a bit more, we should end up living happier and more well rounded lives.

Until next time.



Reinventing Yourself & Coping With A New Direction

Sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect them to. You might have a grand plan in your head of which path you’ve chosen for your life but a strong wind has turned your sail and suddenly you’re facing a different direction. You might battle against the wind, try to get back on course, but sometimes the wind is too strong. So we learn to accept our new course, we plod through each day with a new perspective on life.

We might feel saddened that our old life is no longer before us, we might even cry from time to time, thoughts of shattered hopes and dreams clear in the forefront of our minds.

You might lure yourself into a false sense of security that one day things might be different, that your old life will resurface and things will be better, but you know deep down that this is a coping mechanism to help you get through the bad days.

Obviously we never know what the future may hold. Some reminders of our old life are bound to resurface around us, a bit like as if we were on a boat in the middle of a shipwreck. Floating debris bob up to greet us, some may even get close enough to scrape the side of our boat and if there are survivors then you know damn well we’re right there pulling them aboard. It’s inevitable when your life was so important to you, that aspects of it will still be present but it’s our actions and how we proceed which determines what kind of person we are.

This being in lockdown is bizarre. It’s simultaneously the best time and worst time for reinvention and starting a new course. On one hand we have effectively broken all of our patterns and are in a changed position anyway, which means that we will have to not only start this new course during lockdown but also figure out where this new path is taking us when everything returns to some sense of normality so its almost like starting again twice. On the other hand, lockdown is a chance to get things done retrospectively, without outside influences.

Starting a new course is scary, especially when you have been forced into a new direction, but we can do it. We can make the best of a bad situation and we may even end up on top, living a better life than before.

Sometimes we will have moments of confusion and others of clarity. We’re human. We’re allowed to feel these things. We want to know why the thing has happened but also we know why and accept it, sometimes. We might get angry and our bodies might suffer with the consequence of sadness, but its important to remember that tough situations don’t last but tough people do.

Until next time.

3am

3 am is a time for lonely people, a time for people who over think. Its a time for creatives, those trying to finish a project, too absorbed in their craft to notice the time.

3am is for the party lovers. For the people spilling out of the clubs as they close, not wanting to go home so soon.

Currently, 3am is that tipping point between night and day, when the darkness is at its peak before, as if by magic, the world becomes lighter again. Its a time which feels stuck, almost like a limbo, much like this lockdown.

The silence of this time is simultaneously a blessing but also totally deafening. I fear making a noise too great, it seems unnatural to watch a video or listen to the radio at this time so instead I opt for writing down my thoughts and feelings. Suddenly, 3am starts to feel like a retrospection and things start to fall into place.

3am is a rare time to see. It’s often too late to stay up to and just that bit too early to wake up to.

Obviously there are people out there who work nights and probably see this time quite regularly but I wonder if those people who spend more time in the limbo of the early hours are more at peace because there aren’t as many distractions from the outside world.

3am, in my flat, is currently a place for retrospection and contemplation, a time to miss people and cry until I inevitably fall asleep again or decide to get up and face yet another day in lockdown.

I have only been struggling for a couple of days but there are some of you out there who have been struggling for weeks, months even, as the lockdown continues to disturb regular life.

For those of you who are also up at this time, try a sleep hypnosis podcast. It might seem silly to listen to a calming voice telling you that you are feeling sleepy but for some reason, it works. Whether it’s hearing a different voice, whether it’s because it’s calming and relaxed, or a mixture of things, listening really helped me to stop. It stopped the thinking so I could drift off.

One of the things I learned during my counselling sessions a few years back was the importance of distracting ourselves when our brains start to think of things we cannot control. If we are unable to do anything about our situation, unable to better the situations by actions then the next best thing is to forget about it for a while. Give your brain the much needed rest.

Sure you’ll feel guilty at the beginning, as if somehow taking a break from worrying is going to make the situation worse, but persevere as a break from stress can, more often than not, help us to gather our thoughts when we are more in a place to deal with them.

I hope we all can learn a thing or two about finding inner peace, without meaning to sound too Buddha, and although I don’t wish people to suffer, I also wish people could witness the humbling impact of 3am.

As always, my message box is open if anyone wants to talk, be it on here as a comment or though twitter @kirstyawriter.

I also created a Spotify playlist for sleep which is a mixture of guided meditation and nature sounds for a truly good night’s sleep. You can find it here.

Until next time.

Worried About Lockdown? Us Too.

For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis (shout out to Mum and Dad), will know that this blog is all about promoting the mental wellbeing of my readers by offering inspiring real life content and motivational pieces.

In the flesh, I’m no different. Unsatisfied unless I’ve done something productive in my day, I try and encourage mental wellbeing in both myself and my partner Darren. However, sometimes I need help and Darren, his sister Louise and my family have all been there to support me in this difficult time.

It goes to show that everyone needs help from time to time and just because your friend or family member seems to have their life in order, things may not always be as peachy as they appear.

I have worries and concerns everyday about a whole host of things, mainly financial due to losing my full time job as a product lister for an eCommerce brand, but I do my best to plod through. We deal with the hand we’re dealt and although sometimes it feels like a lot of others have landed on their feet where I keep stumbling and falling over, I keep moving forward because that’s all I can do.

However dark things may seem at the moment, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Watching Darren progress at learning the ukulele and seeing the chord progression finally click in his brain yesterday was super encouraging and I am so proud of him.

It’s definitely true that other people’s energies reflect onto you and vice versa and as we carry on like the good Brits we are, I do feel hopeful, regardless of my worries. We will return to our new normal one day but for now, we should be making the best of things.

Things will have a habit of working themselves out, we just have to believe it so.

Until next time.

Is Lockdown The Perfect Time To Get Things Done?

Lockdown has given us the opportunity to get things ticked off our to do lists which we haven’t had time to do in our busy pre-lockdown lives. Whether it’s finally getting round to read that book you’ve been meaning to read, or play that game, or work on that project, we’ve reached a time when we seem to have endless amounts of free time to get stuff done. However, things are still not getting done.

The washing still piles up, that skirting board you’ve been meaning to touch up with paint still goes untouched, and you’re still kicking yourself because you haven’t spoken to that family member as much as you think you probably should.

It makes a statement about us. No matter how busy, or not busy we are, we will only make time for the things which interest us or at least itch at us enough for us to do it.

It’s still important to try to motivate ourselves regardless.

Admittedly at the moment, we can’t travel, we can’t see friends or family in the flesh and we can’t have a cold pint in the local pub or eat fresh grub in our favourite restaurants, however, what we can do, and what we’ve done for thousands of years, is adapt to our current living situation. If we can learn how to make fire and hunt food, we can learn how to relax and feel more comfortable in our own skin.

Time is still moving forward, contrary to my last post, at a slower and a much calmer pace than before but it is still moving and we have to learn how to move at this reduced pace.

People have been adapting, just look at the sheer amount of sponsored posts on social media, the increased influencer posts from small businesses trying to grab your attention. People are trying to make the best of the lockdown and I truly believe that this is the opportunity to better ourselves in one way or another.

We could learn a new language and broaden our horizons, take the time to catch up and get on top of our chores because once we do, we’ll feel a whole lot less pressure. We can exercise and work on our fitness so we can show off at the beach when we’re able to visit. We can work on our business, bite sized chunks at a time, to keep our options open and our brains active.

Most importantly, we need to learn that just because it feels like it right now, as we sit in our homes, time has not stopped, and neither should we.

Keep moving, keep bettering ourselves so when we see each other next we can compliment each other on how we’ve grown.

Until next time.


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2020: The Year The World Stood Still

2020 is definitely the year that stood still. Since lockdown begun, we have frozen all forward motion, as if stuck in a limbo of what ifs and buts. Nothing seems quite right, the natural order of things have been knocked off track and come to a stand still, we’re waiting at a red light before we can get moving again.

But when we move again, will things ever return to normal, or are we to establish a new equilibrium? One where social distancing is a part of our everyday lives and the fear of germs is overwhelming?

The UK’s Chief Medical Officer has advised that we may have to see social distancing in place until a vaccine is found as, although we have reached our artificial peak, we haven’t seen the full capabilities of the virus gone wild.

This being said, when we begin to move again, how long will it take to recover? How long before we will be able to return to the safety of our 9 to 5 jobs, our comfortable routines? Will we need to try again, try something different?

When we see the green light to go, will we be mentally prepared, or will we see hesitancy, people too afraid to jump right in, the fear of uncertainty and newness a strange and unwelcome sight?

I for one, am feeling rather lost. I plod through each day but rather with lack of enjoyment. I long for the days without stress and worry, for love and happiness to run amuck. I want to embrace my family and friends without caution, without prejudice. There’s a great deal of difference between my life before and now, including a 9 to 5 office job and financial security, and hectic socialising in between, but I’m getting surprisingly used to the empty days, much to my dismay.

There will be good days again, full of sunshine and laughter, when we are all safe to do so, we just have to wait and watch this black cloud blow over. Once the storm has passed, we’ll soon see what our new lives will hold.

As 2020 stands still for us, I ask the question: will life ever be the same again?


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Dealing with the stresses of lockdown – Part 2

Last time we looked at how the lockdown was putting a strain on everybody, especially those who are experiencing anxiety or depression for the first time.

As the lockdown continues and social distancing measures seem to be here to stay for the time being, it’s important to ensure we can make the most of it and combat feelings of depression and anxiety.

So how do we do that?

First of all, we need to accept how we’re feeling and then look at why. Are we anxious because we don’t know how we will survive financially? Are we depressed because we can’t see friends and family? Are we scared about the virus and how it could affect us?

All are valid reasons and reasons shared with a lot of people for being upset and afraid.

I personally, am terrified of contracting the virus as I have several life threatening illnesses including asthma and a nut allergy to name a few. Lets face it, my lungs were not cut out to handle a respiratory virus. However, I continue on, keep up with my workouts and my daily inhalers to build up my lungs so I am best equipped to deal with whatever happens.

As I said in my last article, it’s very easy to slip into the habits of getting out of bed much later than usual, staying in your pyjamas and binge watching TV until you feel like you’ve got square eyes. However, this is synonymous with behaviours of depression and during days outside of lockdown we would see this as worrying behaviour, so why is during lockdown any different?

Yes we can’t go outside and see friends and family but we can get into positive little habits that will make you feel better and after the lockdown you can brag that you got loads done during this time.

So where do we start?

In my last article I discussed my morning routine. I talked about how I leave Darren in bed to sleep while I get up, drink coffee and read a magazine or a book. This alone time gives my brain the much needed time to think outside of social media and physical noise. It’s a good way to set up the day.

Once I’ve woken up I look at things that need doing around the house and get cracking, cleaning what I can because, let’s be honest, we’ve all been a bit slobbish during the lockdown. Doing chores gives you a small bit of physical activity and once you’re done, gives you that clean space which will help clear your mind of horrible thoughts.

Once I’ve done my chores, I get changed into my active wear and get working out, squats, sit ups, anything to get my body moving and working out to exert some of that nervous energy I might be feeling.

Next I shower and pamper myself, taking my time which is something I couldn’t normally do outside lockdown as there was always too much to do.

After my shower I finish my pamper session with a full body moisturiser and straightening my hair so that I feel good about myself. I get dressed in my favourite clothes and finally sit down on the sofa.

I’ll browse social media for a while, working on the business, checking emails and such before I stop for lunch, something relatively healthy like a  cous cous salad or some soup.

After my late lunch, I finally rest, watching netflix with my partner, sometimes treating ourselves to a cheeky drink or two. It feels good to relax after such a busy day.

Obviously, I mix it up, workout at different times of the day, go for walks but I always like to be productive before I sit down and relax for the day. It lures my brain into thinking its had a busy day.

All this being said, I slipped up on this last week when I forgot to keep up with my routine. I stayed in bed  for 1 or 2 days until nearly midday, checking obsessively over the news to see whether lockdown was coming to an end soon. I neglected my exercise and my meals were sporadic. I was slipping into depression and if I wasn’t careful I’d end up miserable and bringing the rest of the household down with negativity.

So one morning I forced myself to get up and get coffee even though I really didn’t want to. I wanted to stay safe and warm under the covers, forgetting about the days ahead of us.

I sipped my coffee and contemplated the day and continued writing this article because its what I knew calmed me down.

My fingers felt heavy on the keyboard, hesitant almost, as if I had nothing to say, yet they kept on and before I knew it I had more than enough to say.

During this lockdown we have been told to look after our most vulnerable people but what if our most vulnerable people are those we can’t see clearly by facts and figures, what if those vulnerable people are those who struggle with worries and fears everyday? Surely if we can boost our own positivity we can improve our time in lockdown (and come out looking amazing due to all the workouts and self pampering sessions we’ve all had!)

What are your thoughts? How are you coping with lockdown? Let us know on Facebook, continue the conversation and share the things you do to make yourself feel good during lockdown.

Dealing with the stresses of lockdown- Part 1

As we enter week 5 of the UK lockdown, it’s clear to see that everyone is trying their best to follow the rules and stay home where possible.

There are less queues at the supermarket across the way from me, less people on the streets walking and an increase in people wearing homemade masks.

However important it is to stay home and stop the spread of the virus, it’s still affecting people incredibly. The rise in domestic violence is frightening, and its splayed all over Facebook where people are finding staying at home straining.

There are people like me, who lost their jobs when the epidemic started and applied for help and still have not received a penny. Then families staying in one property have an immense amount of strain placed on them as the contact is sheer overload, similarly, those home alone have no contact and are striving human contact. It’s this team of both financial worry and human contact which are causing a lot of people to suffer with mental health issues like anxiety and depression who maybe hadn’t experienced it before.

It’s these people who are plodding along but not knowing why they feel the way they feel. They’ll describe it as frustration or boredom but might have a cry when it gets too much.

It’s these people I want to address, these people I want to extend my heartfelt thoughts to. Yes, you’re struggling and you don’t have to compare yourself to others.

Too often I hear “well so and so have it much worse than me” as if offering yourself a sadness borderline where if you reach that line you’ll agree to be sad instead of accepting that you’re sad now.

It important to look at your own feelings, observe how this lockdown is affecting you and coming up with an action plan to make the most of it.

For instance, I’m a massive advocate for writing. By now you should know this if you’ve been following the blog. Most mornings since lockdown, I’ve had a certain routine. While my boyfriend sleeps, I browse the news in bed, not too much about Covid-19, mind you, but I try and find other stories as well, before I get up, make myself a coffee and read a magazine or a book.

It’s this quiet morning reflection and routine which calms me down, gives me time for me to reflect and truly think about what needs to be done during the rest of the day.

It’s easy to slip into a routine of getting out of bed late, staying in your pyjamas and binge watching yet another series on netflix but do you know what that sounds synonymous with? Depression. People with depression find it hard to get out of bed, find it hard to motivate themselves. And yes, it’s hard to break this routine once you have it but good god, breaking that habit is possibly the best thing you can do for your mental health.

In my next article I’ll discuss my routine for the day and how I break the depression cycle. Stay tuned for more or start a conversation on Facebook, I reply regularly and am happy to discuss anything about the points discussed in this article.