I’m attempting the ‘yes lifestyle’. It’s where I say yes as often as I can to new and exciting experiences where before I would have said no out of fear.
So, as a bid to get me out of the flat for an evening and socialise with new people, each Tuesday the Mansion Lions Hotel in Eastbourne hosts salsa dancing lessons to complete beginners right up to those who are more advanced (doing spins and shit).
It was an opportunity which arose when my friend Ruth offered up the evening one afternoon while I was feeling crappy and I took a leap of faith and agreed to give it a go. What was I going to lose? An evening alone at home again? Good.
I’m not going to lie and say that the initial walk down to the hotel wasn’t rife with um’s and err maybe I should turn around’s but I pursued and did the one thing that day that scared me shitless.
And I can safely say, I am so proud of myself for going. I can say I’ve learnt the basic steps and would be able, since I’m the woman and can be led in the dance, to take my new found steps into a salsa club which opens up so many new and exciting ventures for the future.
It’s a shame I didn’t have a partner to go with as it’s something that would really suit a couple, however, it didn’t matter. Since you’re constantly swapping and changing partners in the class anyway I was able to go as a solo dancer.
It was an incredibly fun evening and it was one of the first days in the week where I’ve actually felt truly comfortable in my own skin which is something I haven’t been able to say in a long time. I feel like I’m beginning to come to terms with what it means to be me and how I am outside of a relationship and surprisingly, I’m getting on quite well with her.
I’m beginning to see what they mean when they say you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else because although I have felt love before, it’s always been shadowed with this concern that I am somehow not good enough but I’m starting to think that single life has changed that outlook.
So I never thought I’d say this but thank you to my ex. You were the catalyst which forced me into a situation I needed to be in but wouldn’t necessarily put myself in. I’m learning who I am and it wouldn’t have happened without you.
So yes, ultimately heartbreak led me here but I feel like I’m slowly but surely putting the pieces of myself back together, only this time in a different order. Maybe this time the puzzle pieces will align in the right places.
And who knows what the future will hold. There may be the opportunity to love again, but only when I am truly comfortable with myself.
Until next time.
P.s for those of you who fancy it, why not join me at salsa this Tuesday 7.30pm at Mansion Lions Hotel, Eastbourne?