I think I had a pretty good understanding of life from a young age. I remember being quite young, maybe ten years old, and having this moment of perfect clarity as I tried to fall asleep one night. I knew that one day my parents were going to die.
I know right, pretty morbid for a ten-year-old.
Now I’m twenty-three, lying in bed and having exactly the same thought about my partner lying next to me. Maybe I’ve been influenced by the dire local news reports or even conversations I’ve had with friends or colleagues but for whatever reason I’m faced with this crippling fear that one day I will be left alone and there will be no one else to remember who these significant people were in my life.
Mortality is a terrible thing, it prevents us from taking a leap of faith. It causes anxiety and crippling fear of the Unknown. It’s what causes people to turn to religion, drink, recreational drugs. It can flip a switch in people, cause a midlife crisis or even drive people insane.
I feel like I’m faced with this constant need to prove that I have ended up here on planet earth for a reason. I should be proving my worth and leaving my mark. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not the end if I am not remembered by a lot of people.
I have to remember that we, as human beings, are here on earth as a scientific anomaly and should never have existed, yet we do, and that is pretty phenomenal in itself. So I’m going to keep existing and keep being me because I am one special bundle of stardust.